This Is Your Life
by Miaka Kennyuuki
Summary: Songfic. Switchfoot’s “This Is Your Life”. Twoparts so far. Dean and Sam reflect on what they have become over the years.
1. Chapter 1

My debut into Supernatural fanfiction, loves. U know Dean/Sam is pretty much the bottle of the barrel when it comes to things that will send you to hell, but I'm pretty damn close anyway, so I said, fk it, and wrote this little tidbit. Tell me what you think.

Title: This Is Your Life (1/2)

Author: Miaka Kennyuuki

Rated: PG-13

Pairing: pre-Wincest, suggestion of Dean/Sam feelings

Summary: Songfic. Switchfoot's "This Is Your Life". Two-parts so far. Dean and Sam reflect on what they have become over the years.

Note: Made a lot of stuff up to fit this story, including the hospitality at Stanford, Dean's meeting Jess before John Winchester disappeared, etc.

_blah song_

"_**blah" past**_

"blah" present

_Yesterday is a wrinkle on your forehead_

Dean Winchester sat in his black Chevy Impala, a 64oz coke from a random gas station clutched in his hand. His remaining hand was on the ignition, preparing to start the car, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. For some reason, it seemed like too much trouble.

_Yesterday is a promise that you've broken_

Dean looked at the empty seat beside him, his mind automatically superimposing the image of his younger brother into it. The mental picture was of Sam from nearly three years ago, just turned eighteen and eager to do something, anything but hunt.

"_**I can't wait 'til class starts, Dean! Can you believe I got into Stanford?" Sam said that day, grinning at Dean, unaware of the heart he was crushing. **_

"_**Yeah, Sammy. I believe it," Dean whispered, turning away to stare out the window and bite back his tears. He was twenty-two.**_

_Don't close your eyes_

_Don't close your eyes_

Dean blinked and Sammy was gone, nothing to hold on to but old memories. Dean looked down at the drink in his hand and frowned. Maybe it was the carbonated soda that was causing these "chick flick" reminiscing moments.

_This is your life and today is all you've got now_

Dean remembered the day he went to visit Sam in college. He'd been a little dusty and a little wrinkled and a lot tired, but he drove through six states to make it to Sam's visitation day.

_**Dean had always thought of Stanford as a jail, not only for his resentment of the place, but it's actual appearance. But when he arrived on campus, he wasn't expecting the stronghold he entered. Stanford Law School was a very controlled environment, designed to keep their preppy little collegiate students protected from unsavory characters, i.e.; the rest of the world.**_

_**With very little sleep and experiencing a clawing hunger for a Big Mac and a side of fries, Dean was stopped at Stanford's main gate. The security guards didn't believe that the scruffy man could possibly be the brother of one of their esteemed students. It took three forms of identification and an embarrassing childhood picture to get past the first gate. The FIRST.**_

_And today is all you'll ever have_

_**When Dean finally saw Sam, he could admit that he was a little embarrassing. A twenty-four year old man giddy to see his kid brother. When Dean saw Sam, he took off at a dead run across the campus quad, past the curious students, and into the arms of his not-so-little-anymore brother.**_

_Don't close your eyes_

"_**Sammy," Dean breathed into his brother's brunette locks, squeezing Sam harder than he ever had. Sam simply returned the bordering-on-painful hug. Law students stared as both brothers started to tear up slightly.**_

"_**Hi, Dean," Sam said, when they finally parted. A wide smile split the handsome planes of the younger ?xml:namespace prefix st1 ns "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" / Winchester's face. Dean could only smile goofily back. He was with Sam. Seeing his Sammy.**_

_Don't close your eyes_

"_**Who's this, Sam?" a feminine voice asked. Dean started, which was strange enough, being that he was usually more alert. He turned to the source of the sound and tried hard not to glare without provocation. Standing next to his brother now, slipping her slim hand in his, was some textbook-more-than-a-little-pretty blonde. She had the big baby blues, the red pouty lips and the slim figure. She was as close to being normal as one could get in a girlfriend. **_

_**And she was holding onto his Sammy.**_

"_**This is my older brother, Dean," Sam said, scanning Dean up and down surreptitiously, his young face pinching. Dean guessed Sam had finally realized what his older brother must look like to other people. Dusty and wrinkled, eyes bloodshot, watery and a little wild. Dean looked like a psycho. And from this girl's point of view, he probably looked like a psycho that had just hugged her boyfriend. **_

Dean had looked down at himself, then turned away, hiding fresh tears of pain, hurt and hopelessness from Sam and his perfect girlfriend. There were moments when Dean wished he had finished high school and gone to college. Moments when he wished he dressed in polo shirts and Chinos instead of dirt and slime. Moments when he wished he could be what Sam needed. A normal brother. A normal family.

"_**Yo," Dean said, raising a dirt-covered hand and shooting the girl his trademark – yet artificial – lady killer grin. "Dean Winchester. Nice to meetcha." Inwardly, Dean groaned. He sounded so pathetic, and in front of Sammy, no less. **_

Truthfully, he had felt a little intimidated. Here was Sammy, looking all smart and confident and well-adjusted, beside his matching smart, confident and well-adjusted girlfriend. Then there was Dean, bogged down by nightmares and the knowledge that the boogeyman was real, chasing after the mother that Sam didn't even remember.

_This is your life_

_Is it everything you've dreamed it would be_

"_**Jessica," the blonde said slowly, perfectly waxed eyebrows furrowed. "Sam hasn't spoken about you much." Dagger number one. "In fact, I don't recall him really speaking of you at all." Dagger number two. "He must not think much of you." And death.**_

"_**Jessica!" Sam cried, not really defending his brother, more like trying to stop his perfect girlfriend from sounding rude and uncouth. Like Dean.**_

_**Jessica turned to Sam and smiled. "Sorry, Sammy. I was just pointing some things out."**_

_**Dean staggered back slightly, unnoticeable to some people. But not Sammy. Sammy. She had called him Sammy. Dean's name for him. Sammy was his little brother. His Sammy. **_

"_**I can see you're busy, Sam. I'll just go. It was nice seeing you and stuff. I'll…call you or somethin'. Try to pick up this time, eh?" With that, Dean spun around and stiffly walked away.**_

_When the world was younger_

_And you had everything to lose_

Sam never did pick up.

_**END Part 1**_


	2. Chapter 2

Title: This Is Your Life (2/2)

Author: Miaka Kennyuuki

Rated: PG-13

Pairing: pre-Wincest, suggestion of Dean/Sam feelings

Summary: Songfic. Switchfoot's "This Is Your Life". Two-parts so far. Dean and Sam reflect on what they have become over the years.

Note: Made a lot of stuff up to fit this story, including the hospitality at Stanford, Dean's meeting Jess before John Winchester disappeared, etc.

Sequel to: This Is Your Life Part 1

_blah song_

**_"blah" past_**

"blah" present

Sam Winchester lay in his bed at Stanford Law School, pillow clutched to his chest, engaged in his favorite past time. Thinking about Dean. About the day Sam had allowed Jessica to blow Dean off, and like a coward, had done nothing.

_Yesterday is a kid in a corner _

Sam could regret all he wanted. He could regret the ruined reunion he had been enjoying far too much. He could regret Jessica's interruption and subsequent rudeness. He could regret not defending Dean, not calling him back. But in the end, his regrets would change nothing. Dean would still be gone.

_Yesterday is dead and over _

Two years. It had been two years since Sam had last seen Dean, and in one moment it had all been ruined. He remembered the exact moment he caught sight of Dean. His older brother was covered in dirt and other things, his clothes worn and wrinkled, his eyes red. Sam hadn't seen a more welcome sight in a long time.

If it hadn't been for Jessica's presence, not more than a foot away chatting with Amber, Sam would have taken off towards his brother as Dean had toward him. When they met, the hug was tight, painful, rushed and perfect. Dean had breathed his name into his hair, and all Sam could do was sigh happily. Big Brother Dean was there with him, not God-knows-where fighting God-knows-what.

_This is your life _

_Are you who you want to be? _

**"Hi, Dean," Sam said as they separated. He couldn't help the wide smile he released when he could finally see Dean's face. Dean. Here at Stanford to see him. Sam couldn't help but be embarrassingly happy. **

Secretly, he'd thought that maybe Dean and Dad hated him. He never did get into hunting like they did. Couldn't even remember their mother. And despite hardly ever being in school, he tried his hardest to get every scholarship imaginable, and applied to Stanford.

_This is your life _

_Are you who you want to be? _

The look on Dean's face when Sam had told him was a cross between proud, shocked, and some unidentifiable, fragile emotion that made Sam's heart ache. Dad was simply a seething mass of betrayal and anger, but Dean stood by him the entire time. It was only now that Sam realized Dean didn't want him to leave either.

**"I got into Stanford Law School," eighteen year old Sam announced at breakfast. John Winchester continued cleaning his Beretta, taking a large bite of his egg sandwich. Beside the fridge, Dean froze, milk halfway off the counter. **

**"What's that, Sammy?" the older Winchester boy asked, voice soft. **

**"I got into college," Sam said firmly, defiance lacing his voice. "I'm leaving for Stanford in a few days." **

**The look on Dean's face was heart breaking. **

_This is your life _

_Is it everything you dreamed it would be? _

When the news had finally sunk in, John Winchester had gone into a rage much like the one after his wife's funeral. He'd yelled and broken things and even tried to hit Sam. Dean had put a stop to that soon enough.

_When the world was younger _

**"Enough!" Dean yelled, grabbing John's fist before he could really start hurting Sam. He pulled his Dad away to the other side of the room. "How are you getting there, Sammy?" **

**"Bus," Sam whispered, watching his father wearily. **

**"I'll take you," Dean said decisively, twisting his father's arm slightly. **

**"Dean," John began angrily. **

**"I'll take him," Dean growled back. He looked up at Sam, his expression solemn. "Someone in this family deserves the chance to be normal." **

_And you had everything to lose _

Normal. Dean had always been one for over dramatization. But at the time there was actually hope in Dean, and to a lesser extent, Dad, for someone in the Winchester family to come out of the tragedy a better person. They knew no way to make it happen, though.

Until Sam.

_Don't close your eyes _

**"Dean, do you think these look like college clothes?" Sam asked, holding up a blue polo shirt and cream slacks. **

**Dean snickered. "Makes me glad it ain't me goin' to college," he said, laughing. Sam's face fell and Dean smiled softly. "Go ahead and grab it, squirt." Sam's smile could have powered an entire block. **

**"You're the best, bro." **

_Don't close your eyes _

Sam closed his eyes and sighed. Dean really was the best brother. Like the time he had used the last of his money to buy Sam a Christmas present (a holiday the Winchesters rarely had time to celebrate), when they needed the money for gas to get them to the next town. Dean had also taken the fall for the lack of funds.

**"Merry Christmas, Sammy," Dean said, pushing a box toward the younger Winchester boy. Sam looked up at his fourteen year old brother with adoration, before ripping into the box. He soon revealed a complete set of GI Joes. **

**"Wow, Deano, these are great!' Sam cried, throwing himself at Dean. He had always wanted GI Joes, but John felt they were inappropriate considering the circumstance. Plus, of course, toys were an unnecessary commodity in their lifestyle. **

**"No problem, Sammy," Dean said with a smile. "Anything for my little bro." **

_Don't close your eyes (Don't close your eyes) _

Sam opened his yes and glanced at the phone. Dean had called over and over again for a few days after the incident. And Sam, like the idiot he was more often than not, listened to Jessica pleadings for attention and ignored each and everyone. He allowed Jessica to convince him that Dean didn't really care. That his real friends, his real family were his friends at Stanford.

_Don't close your eyes _

_This is your life _

_Are you who you want to be? _

Sam was such a fucking idiot.

**"This is it, Sammy," Dean said, pulling up to Stanford's main gate. "Stay sharp, eh, squirt?" **

**Sam's eyes filled with tears and he threw himself across the Impala's seat at Dean. "I'm sorry, Dean. I don't want to leave you alone with Dad, but…" **

**Dean covered Sam's mouth with a calloused finger. "S'okay, Sammy. I can handle Dad," he said, carefree smile strained. "Now go in there and teach those college nerds a thing or two, eh? I'll be needing a lawyer in a few anyway." **

**Sam gave a watery laugh as he got out of the car. Leaning back into the window, his green eyes grew determined. "I'll make you proud, Dean. I promise." Dean nodded and Sam smiled. Straightening, the younger Winchester grabbed his duffle bag and started for the gate. **

**"Sammy!" Dean called. Sam stopped and turned around, a question in his eyes. Dean smiled. "It's always been you, Sammy." **

**Sam started, and took a step toward the black Impala. Before he could get any closer, Dean waved at him and took off, soon nothing more than a cloud of dust in the distance. **

**_It's always been you, Sammy. _**

Sam turned over and buried his face in his pillow. The lavender flower smell of Jessica rose up and he rolled over and sat up. Once again the phone was in clear view.

**_It's always been you, Sammy. _**

Sam allowed himself a smile. He picked up the phone and quickly dialed a familiar number. After a few moments, a tired, slightly irritated voice answered.

Sam smiled.

"It's always been you too, Dean."

**_End Part 2_**

**_Look out for the Epilogue! _**


End file.
